Out of the Fire and into the Pot

With all the talk going around lately about legalizing pot in California, it makes the head spin (get it? “head” spin?). After hearing this news, here are a few things that flew out of mine.

First of all, speculating about the legalization of marijuana is like thinking that the Apocalypse is near. I mean, doesn't every generation think that the End of the World is going to happen really soon? Yet, it never does. It’s always been that way.

For example, everyone thought the world was going to end way back in 1564. The Pope at that time, Leo the Seventh, was an avid pothead. He used to sneak into the Sistine Chapel to spark one up ... from some documented accounts at the time, witnesses stated that they heard someone saying, over and over, from behind the bolted doors of the chapel, “Mama mia, de colors, de colors!” Well, I’m not sure about the historical accuracy of the story above, but as for the theory of the end of the world, start packing your suitcase and head for the hills brother, for they are definitely on the way this time. …I think.

Anywho, if they actually do legalize pot this time around, (excuse me while I laugh up my sleeve) I suppose big business will get involved. Well why not? Selling pot already is the biggest business in this country. Maybe instead of legalizing pot they should just legalize the businesses that sell it.

Perhaps the president could get involved and take it all over. What the heck, he already has taken over just about everything else, and we already know he enjoys smoking tobacco. I could see how it might become an integral part of the new Healthcare plan.

For example, when someone goes to see the doctor, and after they have waited in the hall outside the doctor’s office for three days before finally getting to see the him, they'll probably won’t have more time with the doc than a state-allotted 30 seconds. So, one option the doctor will have is to sympathetically pat the patient patient on the back and send them home with a doobie. That way the patient will have a good chance of forgetting why they went to the doctor in the first place.

But I digress. So…If weed ever really does becomes legit, (don’t hold your breath) Big Biz all over California will certainly get involved and I suppose that their marketing departments will be kicked into overdrive to concoct slogans and catchy product names to attract customers.

Hmmm, let's see ... what would be some good names for a prepackaged legitimate product? How about “Jamaican Me High?” Or perhaps something more down to earth like “Uncle Buzz?” Or “Mr. Sleepy?” How about “The Hungry Hound?” Or maybe they will use my personal favorite “Old Red Eye.” And don’t forget that grocery stores and convenience shops are bound to be really happy with the sharp increase of sales they will expect of potato chips and cheesy puffs.

Will it happen? Or will it not? Only time will tell if it will or if the potheads’ fondest dreams of legalization will go up in smoke. One other thing to keep in mind is that way too many people are making way too much more money the way things are, then they would if pot were legalized. Cheer up; don’t get too vexed by these quandaries, because I’m sure the End of the World will probably happen first!

But hopefully it will not for a really, really long time to come.